I Want a Mom When I Get Lonely
by Izumi's Apprentice
Summary: Worst case scenario, she's breaking up with me. Best case scenario she's PMS-ing. Alex was not expecting the conversation to turn this emotional and tragic, but no matter what she's here for Lucy. Director Danvers.


Disclaimer: I do not own Supergirl

Author's Notes: I've had this headcanon for Lucy's backstory for some time now and always thought of it in a storytelling manner so I figured I'd write a little fic about her talking about it.

Warnings: Discussion of a non-canon/met character's death

I Want a Mom When I Get Lonely

"Lucy, are you okay? You've been down and out of it for a few days now and I'm getting worried," Alex spoke as she re-entered the living room after showering and mulling over this conversation. She half-feared that Lucy wasn't happy anymore and going to break up with her. But she convinced herself that was a worst case scenario and she needed to stay positive. Best case scenario she decided was that Lucy was PMS-ing. That was easy to handle but at this point their cycles were fairly matched up so they'd both be feeling like shit if that were the case, so Alex's money was definitely not on that option. Nor was Vasquez' when they spoke earlier at the DEO before their shift ended.

"Huh? Lucy looked up from the couch. She was curled up on one side, knees to her chest, a blanket draped around her shoulders as she stared vacantly in the distance a few moments prior. "Oh. Uh...yeah, fine," she replied, looking away again.

Alex sighed and ran her hand through her still wet hair before coming over and sitting beside her girlfriend. "Hey..." she said, placing a hand on Lucy's knee. "You know you can tell me anything right? I'm not going to judge, I'm...worried is all," she explained.

Lucy nodded but kept staring at the empty fireplace. Alex followed her gaze for a second, wondering if starting a fire might help. Before she could stand, Lucy spoke, "It's almost mom's death day."

Alex nearly choked upon hearing the words from Lucy's mouth. She knew Lucy's mother was dead but honestly she was surprised at the choice of words, but wasn't going to say anything, figuring it was probably picked up when she was younger and maybe thanks to her father. "Oh, I'm...sorry to hear that. Is this year a little harder than others?" Alex asked, trying to be sensitive about the subject. She had little to no experience with a lost relative.

"I guess it is. Especially since I'm so estranged from my father, not that he's been vocal about mom in the past. And Lois and I are just getting back on good footing finally," Lucy replied. This was in part due to Kara secretly invited Clark and Lois around for gatherings and Game Nights more frequently ever since Lucy revealed she wanted to mend her relationship with her sister. "So it feels like I have no one to talk about her to."

"You have me," Alex said in a quiet, almost shy voice. Lucy glanced over at Alex for a moment then proffered her hand. Alex happily claimed it and gave her full attention to her girlfriend. "What happened to your mother?" she asked, trying to coax Lucy kindly.

Lucy sighed, looking down at her pajamaed knees. She should probably start at the beginning right? She'd never told Alex...anyone really, the full story of her mother's passing. Steeling herself, she began.

"My mother died when I was very little. Four or...five years old I think? I don't remember much about her and every year her memory gets fuzzier and fuzzier. My father wouldn't speak of her when I asked so I stopped asking as a kid. It's not my fault she died, even if she did get sick after giving birth to me, she had the early symptoms before getting pregnant a second time," Lucy sounded bitter and Alex wasn't sure if it was about her father seemingly blaming her or the fact her mother was sick.

Lucy continued after Alex squeezed her hand despite wanting to hug her, "What sucks the most is that they found a cure for her disease three years after she died. Lois was furious, dad had...shut down, turned cold and work-focused. Lois told me it was hard for him to talk about it because we looked so much like mom, but I think that's a shit excuse for withholding memories of her from me. I only ever remember her in an assisted living home, pale and gaunt, weak, but trying to smile...for me," Lucy fell silent, her eyes stinging once more.

Alex had no words, what could she say? She thought her father had died for the longest time and learned a few years ago he was in fact alive and keeping her and Kara safe, but she had never lost a family member. She wasn't even sure exactly the best way to comfort Lucy either. She did scoot closer and wrap her arm around the petite woman's shoulders and held her close. Lucy rested her head on Alex's shoulders and tried not to cry.

"What—" Alex cleared the frog from her throat, "What do you remember of your mother?"

Lucy took a deep, centering breath and Alex thought she heard a slight shudder in it. "She had long brown hair Lois would help her brush out whenever we visited and the most vibrant green eyes when we came. The nurses assured us they were much duller when we weren't around though, which I suppose matched the rest of her appearance. She uh...liked music, especially the harp, but I'm not sure if she played an instrument. I remember her and Lois attempting to play chess but halfway through they'd switch to checkers," Lucy chuckled, probably at her sister's expense there. "She was a nerd with a crush on Han Solo."

"Who isn't?" Alex joked.

"She loved romance novels, not the trashy dime ones but real beautiful romances, but she enjoyed murder mysteries too. She loved watching Rugrats with me and seeing a few episodes here and there as an adult I realize why she did. Did you know early in the series there's a Star Trek themed episode?" she looked at Alex and who nodded vaguely in recollection. Alex remembered her parents discussing the references when she was a kid but didn't connect the dots then.

Lucy was quiet for a few moments before she glanced up and into the distance. "She was so pretty, Alex, so pretty," Lucy choked out tears falling unchecked this time.

"Just like you," Alex had turned to face Lucy and kissed her soundly. Lucy was grateful for the distraction but the kiss didn't last long and their foreheads met as Alex let Lucy cry.

"I am so sorry, Luce. I can't begin to imagine what it feels like, but I'm here for you, however you need me," Alex promised with that same self-determination she gets when she promises to save Kara. Lucy feels her heart jump in her throat, never truly expecting to be on the same level as Kara when it comes to Alex's priorities, though they had been working on that, the three of them. Alex had focused so much of her life on Kara she hadn't time for herself, which is why it took her so long to realize she was queer. Since then, Kara and Lucy have been a united force in helping Alex focus on herself and letting Kara be an adult and problem solve on her own.

Lucy kissed Alex's cheek sweetly. "I love you," she replied softly.

Alex was relieved Lucy couldn't see her face in that moment due to how comically her eyes widened at the confession. She wasn't wholly surprised but she expected to be the first to slip and reveal her emotions so Lucy saying it first threw her for a loop. Composing herself, Alex smiled, "I love you too, Lucy."


End file.
